1. The “All Of The Above, But Not Really” Guy: This fella says on his online dating profile that he’s looking for a long-term relationship, but then tells you he’s not actually looking for something serious. It’s a valid point that maybe he’s just not interested in YOU, but regardless, it’s an easily dismantled excuse.
2. The First Date Switcheroo: This guy tries to stick it, well…. where the sun don’t shine… the first time you have sex. This is really almost laughable except for the risk of hemorrhoids. Guys, may I suggest you wait until at least date number five? We still might not be into it, but we’ll respect you more.
3. The Bill Itemizer: These are tough economic times. But the guy who itemizes what each of you ordered on his stupid iPhone calculator and then says “OK, you owe $34.67 and I owe $28.53” deserves a fork in the eye.
4. The “Oops, I Have A Baby On The Way” Guy: A dude who waits until a month into dating to let you know that they had a kid on the way. That’s, like, a within-the-first-30-minutes-of-date-number-one reveal.
5. The Stuck-On-The-Ex Guy: He’s not over his ex, but he’s keeping you on the back burner. He’s uber-non committal about making future plans and might even be reluctant to bring you to bed because his emotions are all caught up in her.
6. The “You’re Amazing and I Want You to Come Home With Me” Guy: This slick Rick lays on the charm super heavy the first time you meet, and thinks that that’s the key to getting you to go home with him. Know that if you do, you will more than likely NEVER see this bozo again. Which could be a good thing.
7. The One Who Got Away: Yo, he got away. Deal. It’s never gonna be the way it was. Moving on!
8. Various Emotional Cripples: See here.
9. The Guy Who’s Not Quite Divorced/Available Yet: He’s been separated from his wife for a year and a half! He lives with his ex-girlfriend, but, he swears, he’s moving out as soon as he has a little extra money! What. Ever. Until their previous ties have been cut (or, in the case of divorce, all the paperwork has been submitted and a legal split is imminent), put ‘em on your “do not date” list.
10. The Super-Insecure Guy Who Maybe Caught On To The Fact That You’re Too Good For Him: This guy keeps asking why you like him, whether you find him attractive and what things specifically drew you to him in the first place. Basically, he is a 14-year-old girl. And when you do answer his questions, he either doesn’t seem satisfied with your answer or wants to know in more detail. You know you’re awesome, why not find a dude who knows he’s awesome as well?