PLANETS

Source: Kauko Helavuo / Getty

MY MOON CHILDREN!!!!

SUMMER IS HERE AND I HAVE YOUR HOROSCOPES.

Aquarius: you’re looking to a summer of protests, volunteer vacays, and mission trips. Which is cool if you’re into that kind of stuff. Just maybe don’t post about it ALL THE TIME cause people get sick of it REAL quick.

Pisces: you already have like 8 vacays booked for this summer, you can’t help but be a wondered, but if you let 8 different strangers wonder into your bed make sure you’re spreading love & not diseases.

Aries: you have already started making plans for your summer. You’re so scared of fomo that you end up over booking yourself and soon enough you’re gonna have a summer of pissing people off and spending every 15 minutes at a different place, and that’s no way to get a tan.

Taurus: you’re extra af there is no way around it. So you’re gonna be planning this lavish and luxurious summer vacation that is probably gonna put you in debt, but hey, you do you.

Gemini: you’re gonna be that friend all summer that tries to get your friends to go on a hike, rock climb, kayak, or spelunking. Little tip they just want to chill and drink so chill, also no one knows what the hell spelunking is.

Cancer: you’re excited for the summer just so you can be the parent of the group handing out sunscreen, hosting cook outs, and being the DD, honestly it’s weird as hell but hey, your friend don’t mind and clearly neither do you.

Leo: you’re DYING to go on a summer vacation that is going to look amazing on the GRAM. You want everyone to have extreme FOMO just looking at your posts, and you’re gonna make it happen whether you have fun or not.

Virgo: you’re such a perfectionist that you already have a FULL itinerary for your summer vacay. You eat breath & sleep planning. You’ve even scheduled in the day you know your drunk friend is gonna get to blackout to make it to dinner. You’re scary good.

Libra: you’re the type to spend the summer in a hammock reading your summer way. I just literally can’t relate at all, so if that’s fun to you, you go for it but at least mix in a little erotica or something.

Scorpio: you’re so damn mysterious, you are already booking a secret Summer getaway, but haven’t included ANYONE in those plans. They just hear you whispering about it on the phone and see plane tickets pulled up on your computer. Honestly you’re probably a part of some secret alien conspiracy & I would not be surprised at this point.

Sagittarius: you are ALWAYS ready for the new! So you’ve got a summer full of dating in front of you. You’re gonna be going through dates and new people like you’re on the damn bachelor. You’re gonna need a lot of chapstick.

Capricorn: with summer right around the corner you need to stop being so disciplined and let your freak flag fly! Summers are for skipping out on work early for happy hours, day drinking, and long af weekends.

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