It felt like I waited an entire full hour before I even saw one hot guy last night and based on Twitter research it looked like most people felt the same way. The most memorable people in my opinion that Rachel met last night were Josiah-who is a prosecutor from Florida. First of all, we see him bouncing around saying all these cheesy lines about catching a bad guy which was honestly faker than Heidi Montag’s entire face. I got major “CSI Miami” vibes. Then all of a sudden I’m snap chatting and drinking wine and roasting people on Twitter when there is this DRAMATIC shift where we’re suddenly learning about Josiah’s brother Sam who was bullied as a child for being overweight. Then Josiah drops the ultimate buzz kill on us and says that his brother hung himself in the backyard and that he was the one who cut his brother down when he was 7 years old. Way to bring the room down man.
We also met a guy named Adam who brought a doll he called Adam Jr. that weirdly looked like a mix of Jordan Rodgers and Chuckie. Another dude who’s occupation was straight up just Tickle Monster. And Lucas-AKA the Whaboom guy. It only took me about 10 seconds to see he has an IMDB profile as an actor and to find out that Whaboom, which I thought was a product or business was actually nothing. It’s nothing except a way for him to market himself so he can sell tummy tee and teeth whitener on instagram. What is REALLY interesting is that Chad Johnson, our favorite villain, tweeted:
— Chad Johnson (@realChadJohnson) May 23, 2017
I actually reached out to Chad personally to verify if this was true this morning and he said: “Yeah I actually did [trademark it]. Whaboom cost me $500. It was also weird being on my phone for 3 hours straight while doing an appearance cause the website Legal Zoom was causing me problems…but yes I really did.” So there you have it. Oh, Lucas got a rose.
The two guys that were my favorites were Dean, and Bryan. Dean dresses like Justin Bieber according to his instagram which if you don’t know, is my type. That kind of west coast California style. LOTS of snapbacks.
Anyways, besides being the best dressed last night with a skinny suit and floral skinny tie, he was also the hottest which doesn’t say a whole lot because like I said, the dudes are reaaaaally lacking this season. Dean was one of the guys who Rachel got to meet LIVE at the after the final rose show. Incase you forgot he’s the one who said he plans on “going black and never going back”, which SJW’s on Twitter found offensive. Rachel said last night though that she thought it was funny, and loved the joke. Dean is also 26, so that is a very 26 years old joke to make. Bryan is Colombian, and ended up getting the first impression rose last night for wooing not whabooing Rachel by speaking Spanish.
And that’s the most important stuff to know about stuff.