Last night, Jimmy Kimmel took over “The Bachelor,” making it quite possibly THE BEST EPISODE EVER.
And if you happened to miss it, here’s your recap courtesy of The Hollywood Reporter:
The episode began with the Jimmy Kimmel Live host waking up “Prince Farming.” Kimmel then introduced himself to the ladies with, “Hello, sister-wives…”
After introducing the “amazing” jar, which cast-members have to fill with dollars whenever they use their favorite adjective (FYI this would also make a fabulous drinking game, since everything is so ahhhhh-mazing, just like your trip to Wastey-Town), Kimmel then sent Kaitlyn out on the first one-on-one date. Chris and his gal weren’t expecting to spend the day shopping for bulk items at Costco., but that’s exactly where Jimmy sent them. But we did learn a thing or two about Kaitlyn, when she said about filling a hot tub with ketchup: “I’ve done weirder things.”
The pair prepared dinner for Kimmel, and Kaitlyn let it slip that she once dated a farmer who was more “legit” than Chris. Talk about hitting the man where it hurts. By the end of the evening, Kimmel was clearly on Team Kaitlyn, especially when she’s such a good sport about the fantasy suite dates. “Let’s have a threesome, guys, come on,” the talk show host joked. Needless to say, Kaitlyn got the rose and is a definite frontrunner.
Next, the show channeled its inner Survivor by sending the girls on a farm-themed obstacle course, which involved drinking warm goat’s milk. (Yes, Chris is a farmer. We get it.) Carly won the blue ribbon, which led to a party with an unreal amount of kissing. Seriously, this dude really loves kissing, even when its preceded by a painful icebreaker like, “You’re a man, and I’m a woman.” Thanks, Carly, for that fascinating lesson on gender.
Not eveyone was thrilled by the smooch-fest, mind you. Mackenzie kiss-shamed him with a thoroughly awkward talking-to, while Becca put her lips on lockdown, which apparently helped her snag the rose. Chris is all about the mixed messages.
The next one-on-one involved Whitney and Chris strangely deciding to crash a random couple’s wedding. Yes, because why wouldn’t a pair of newlyweds want some reality stars to steal focus on their big day? But Chris appreciated that Whitney helped him out when his small-talk skills were seriously lacking at the reception, and so she got the date rose.
Were you just thinking to yourself, “I could really use some more rapid-fire kissing scenes”? You’re in luck, as Chris resumed kissing with abandon at the pool party. Things got quite heated with Jade on the bed, and then Jillian monopolized time in the hot tub, which left Ashley I. in tears. Luckily, Ash was able to make out with him within minutes after her crying jag, so all was right with the world.
At the rose ceremony, here’s who received flowers: Jade, Samantha, Juelia, Mackenzie (despite her earlier kissing lecture), Kelsey, Britt, Megan, Carly, Ashley S. (how is this train-wreck on the show?!), Becky, Jillian and Ashley I. That meant curtains for teacher Tracy, other teacher Trina and bartender Amber, who cut her tearful post-ceremony interview short by saying “I don’t wanna talk anymore” and walking off.
Then it was Chris Harrison’s turn to come back on the scene, so he could send Kimmel off with the same line he uses on the ladies: “Take a moment…say your goodbyes, etc.” Then it was off to the limo where Jimmy delivered the most epic imitation of each castoffs dramatic ride home in the loser limo.
Oh, PS, yes…there was also a shower scene. I’ll just leave this here…
Moral of the story: if you missed last night’s episode, you failed your Monday night.
Hope you set that DVR!