We’ve all been on god awful first dates, where we just wish we could press the eject button and disappear ASAP.
Seriously, I once ran into some friends at a restaurant on a date and quietly texted my bestie under the table saying, “Kill me now…ok so I’m gonna tell this guy I’ll stay for one drink then say I have to go so he will walk me to the car and I’ll do the fake-out like I’m leaving…but don’t leave. I’ll come back and we need wine…lots and lots of wine.”
But to save yourself from all the stress of planning a ninja undercover operation like that, I found this FANTASTIC list that I wish I would’ve had handy during my last date from Hell.
So I obviously had to share! Here ya go…
12 Totally Believable Excuses To Get Out Of A DISASTEROUS First Date:
“Do you hear that car alarm? I should probably go see if that’s mine.”
Don’t actually hear a car alarm? Don’t even own a car? Don’t worry about it.
“Oh, I thought I was meeting the other [insert name here] I met on Tinder.”
Realistically speaking, the other person will end the date for you. There might also be a drink thrown in your face.
“Oh my God! I shouldn’t have had that bread. I forgot I was gluten-free.”
After saying this, simply run to the bathroom and never return.
“I thought that was just going to be a fart. I thought wrong.”
The exit strategy in this situation is the same as above.
“I just don’t see myself ever getting along with someone who actually enjoys [whatever dish your date decided to order].”
Note: this probably won’t work if you order the same thing, but you can certainly try if you’re really desperate.
“I really regret not wearing the other outfit I had picked out. It might be too much for me to handle psychologically. I’m really sorry.”
Add hysterical sobbing and runny mascara for maximum effect. Your date might promise to call you, but that’s probably not true.
“I can already tell my parents are going to hate you.”
It’s best to use a scapegoat whenever possible.
“Give me one second. I forgot to do my transcendental meditation for today.”
Close your eyes, deeply inhale and exhale, and repeat until the other person leaves.
“I have to go! There’s a citizen in distress.”
At this point, tear off your shirt to reveal the Superman logo you painted on your chest in the event things were going horribly. Your date will be too shocked to react and probably too weirded out to ever call you again.
“You know what I just realized? I think I’d make a really good priest/nun.”
Who is your date to deny God’s will?
“I love you.”
This is what’s known as a “forcing move.” If it works, your date will probably freak out, make up his or her own terrible excuse and get the hell up outta there, BUT if it doesn’t, you just signed yourself up for a lot more awkwardness.
“I’m going to be honest… I don’t like you as a person.”
Sometimes honesty is the best policy — and sometimes honesty makes people sob hysterically in a public setting. Use with caution.