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Here’s what katy had to say about former husband Russell Brand dumping her: “He’s a very smart man, and I was in love with him when I married him. Let’s just say I haven’t heard from him since he texted me saying he was divorcing me December 31, 2011.”

It gets better:

“[He’s] hysterical in some ways. Until he started making jokes about me and he didn’t know I was in the audience, because I had come to surprise him at one of his shows. I mean, I have to claim my own responsibility in things. I do admit that I was on the road a lot. Although I invited him time and time again, and I tried to come home as much as I possibly could. You saw that in the movie [Katy Perry: Part of Me]. That wasn’t edited to leave footage out—there wasn’t any footage of him.”

But you think all of that’s bad? Just wait ’til you read this:

“He didn’t like the atmosphere of me being the boss on tour. So that was really hurtful, and it was very controlling, which was upsetting. I felt a lot of responsibility for it ending, but then I found out the real truth, which I can’t necessarily disclose because I keep it locked in my safe for a rainy day. I let go and I was like: This isn’t because of me; this is beyond me. So, I have moved on from that.”