Ok , so to follow up with this morning’s break about starting my “No More Ass-Clown Revolution” and declaring NO MORE to the dudes who fall under that description in the Webster’s Dictionary of Love, I decided it’s only appropriate to help arm my fellow confused women. After all, sometimes think I might be the only female who’s had more issues with dudes than Jennifer Aniston. But hey, somebody just put on a ring on it (her..not me, obviously) so rest assured that hope is out there, my fellow single ladies.
It’s not always easy to spot a guy who’s not really into you, because typically (regardless of how athletic they are) they have a varsity letter in the sport of mind games. So thanks to GirlsGuideTo.com and of course the Holy Grail of chick-books “He’s Just Not That Into You”, here’s 15 signs that you need to run FAR FAR AWAY from a dude who’s probably wasting your time (plus a little commentary from yours truly). Enjoy!
1. He’s just not that into you if he’s not asking you out.
If a man is excited about a woman, he can’t stop himself— he wants more. If he’s attracted to her, he’s going to want to take it further. If he’s not making a move, it’s not because he is ‘scared’. The only thing he is scared of is how not attracted to you he is.
-This part should be pretty self-explanatory. But seriously, if you’re making excuses at this point there’s a problem. No girl is too intimidating if he really likes you. And no dude is “too busy” to pursue a girl he’s truly interested in. (And yes, I’ve been a serial violator of this rule in the past….ughhh)
2. He’s just not that into you if he’s not calling you.
He says he didn’t have a moment in his busy day to call. Rubbish! The real reason is that you are not on his mind. If a man leads you to expect he will call and then doesn’t follow through on such a little thing, he will never follow through on big things. Be aware he is okay with the idea he is disappointing you.
-Here’s one of my favorite quotes from the book about this very topic: “Here’s something else to think about: calling when you say you’re going to is the very first brick in the house you are building of love and trust. If he can’t lay this one stupid brick down, you ain’t never gonna have a house baby, and it’s cold outside.” Fact. Yes, feel free to put it in your “Favorite Quotes” section on Facebook. It’s that good.
3. He communicates via TEXT and email.
By doing so, he avoids the “getting to know you” conversations. He really isn’t interested in moving things forward. He wants the down and dirty. When can he see you? If you have already had sex, his TEXT is to set up his next booty call. He usually steers the conversation towards telling you how sexy you are and how he can’t wait to see you again. DUH!
-How old are we? 14? He might as well hit you up on AOL Instant Messenger…or MySpace…
4. He warns you that he isn’t relationship material.
Men usually say what they mean. He is telling you that he is not relationship material-at least with you-believe him! You might be the exception to the rule, but more than likely, you are not. He is probably going to have sex with you and dump you when things get too complicated (you want more from him).
-This is CODE BLUE. Lots of girls sit back and rest on the laurels of their awesomeness thinking it will change a George Clooney wanna-be forever-bachelor into relationship material. Let’s be real with ourselves. Ten years from now you can be happy with your hot hubby (Ryan Gosling) while giggling at all the lovely tagged Facebook photos of him still chasing 21 year olds to no avail. Thus, you win. You go girl!
5. He puts little planning into your date.
He tells you that he wants to hang out and watch a movie or something. “Something” means having sex in case you haven’t figured that out by now. If you always go to the restaurant, because it is his favorite, he isn’t trying to please you. More than likely, he goes to different restaurants with different women. A guy that is really into you will plan a date. Even if the date doesn’t cost him a dime, he will plan.
6. He makes lots of empty promises.
He keeps talking as if you have a future, but he takes little or no action. He talks about having a future together or all the fun things you will do soon, but he doesn’t plan a date! Some men promise the moon, sun and stars, but deliver…nothing! He really isn’t that into you. Think about this. If he can’t come up with a few things that make you swoon despite his pocketbook, he isn’t that into you.
-This especially applies in the beginning. If he can’t muster enough energy for a few thoughtful (not necessarily expensive, just thoughtful) dates every once in a while, he sure won’t be capable of making you feel appreciated 5 years from now while he’s sitting with his boys playing X-Box for 13 hours and you’re stuffing your face with Dove chocolate to fill the void while crying over the fact that if you’d just gotten smart years ago, you could’ve been Mrs. Ryan Gosling.
7. He makes last minute plans to see you.
You are just so glad he calls that you don’t realize that that he is definitely not that into you or he thinks that you have no life and would be readily available at his beck and call. Either way, if you accept, you aren’t scoring any points. You were probably one of the women in his “little black book” and not his first call.
–Hey, remember that saying “Don’t make someone your priority when you are only their option”? Yep, here’s where that comes in. ESPECIALLY if the call/text comes in after 10pm. Once again, be real with yourselves ladies. And sure, feel free to call him out on it: “How about this buddy…Try inviting me over when it’s still DAYLIGHT?!” BOOM.
8. He avoids the “getting-to-know you” conversations!
He really doesn’t want to get to know you better. He wants to know what he needs to know to get you into bed. If he really wants to get to know you better, he is asking questions about you, your life and what you want. If not, he is looking for the easiest, quickest booty call. He will flatter you! He will tell you how amazing you are! But he doesn’t really know anything about you. If you fall for this, don’t expect a call anytime soon. He will call you again when he is horny.
-Don’t be a “slam-piece.” Don’t know what a “slam-piece” is? Urban Dictionary, girl, URBAN DICTIONARY.
9. He is pushy about getting physical.
He tries to move things forward beyond the “make out” session with minimal clothing. If you resist, he makes you feel bad that you aren’t that into him. He says that he just wants to cuddle, but he is really trying to get more. (Just so you know, most men don’t really like cuddling. They do it because it gets them sex!) He is kissing and holding you, but in the process trying to take your blouse and pants off, wants sex. If he gets upset or offended when you put the kibosh on moving forward, he isn’t that into you. If someone really likes you, he is willing to wait until you are ready to move things forward.
-Not only is that not cool, but it’s also creepy and disrespectful. Eww.
10. You initiate and he doesn’t follow through.
If you’re really into a guy and you think he may be shy, try initiating a conversation, phone call or texting session. If you start the conversation, he’ll want to continue it. However, if he doesn’t return your calls or texts or tries to end the conversation quickly, he may not be into you.
-Mama always said “Don’t make yourself too available.” Don’t be that super eager girl who starts looking desperate. And for the love of God, DON’T be that creepy “I will finddd youuuu” girl from Wedding Crashers.
11. His actions don’t match his words.
If he says he’ll call you and then you don’t hear from him or if you suggest meeting up and he is “too busy,” he probably isn’t interested.
-Again, unless he actually is running for president (or vice president…that works too), he’s probably NOT too busy to take 5 minutes out of his sweet time to remember he kindof likes this awesome girl (you) so maybeeee he should attempt to call, see you, or otherwise communicate. I mean, don’t NASA astronauts even have a system to communicate via video with their loved ones FROM SPACE? So…his excuse does NOT apply.
12. If you have been dating for a month or more and have never met his friends, he isn’t that into you.
When men think they have found a great catch, he want to show her off. If you don’t get an invitation to meet his friends, you aren’t that girl. He wants to see you alone but not integrate you into his life, this is not a good sign. If a man is really into you, he wants all his friends to see the woman he is dating. If this doesn’t happen, you are not the woman he wants to be with long term.
-If this is happening, stop yourself right now, throw some cold water on your face like in those Neutrogena facewash commercials and ask yourself “Am I A Booty-Call?” No? Ok, so why is he hiding someone as awesome as you are from his friends. He should be PROUD that you’re his girl. Remember your worth, Honey Boo-Boo Childdddd!
13. He says he just wants to be friends.
He means it. If you offer up sex as part of the package, he is willing to be friends with benefits. He isn’t stupid if you are! If you offer to satisfy him sexually, why not. If you think being friends with benefits will lead to more, it won’t. He isn’t into you in almost every case. When he finds someone who rocks his world, you are history.
-Friends with Benefits BENEFITS NO ONE! Somebody always ends up hurt. “Lets still be friends” almost always means he wants to explore his other options, but in case one of his Plan A’s don’t work out, he will still have this totally awesome girl in his Plan B “Friends” category that he KNOWS still has feelings for him. So yes, you will get the call at 11:45pm..but you will probably not see the happy Facebook official ending you are secretly still hoping for.
14. He’s not that into you if he’s still hooking up with other women.
Or you even catch him at it, he’s not ready to settle down with you. Even if he still maintains inappropriate contact with exes or even other women friends he’s not ready to invest time in you or ready to have any kind of future. He’s just not worth the time if he’s out looking for someone else. Save yourself the heartache and move on. You’ll find someone who will be so thankful for you.
-Don’t let him slore around on you. Thats the ultimate disrespect. Keep reading the last line of the above paragraph over and over and over. Pause. Ok read it one more time… Remember, the only leftovers you should be partaking in are from that amazing dinner you went to last night with a guy who actually treats you well.
15. He’s just not that into you if he doesn’t want to marry you.
Every man you have dated who says he doesn’t want to get married or doesn’t believe in marriage, or has ‘issues’ with marriage, will, rest assured, someday be married. It just will not be to you.
-Men with commitment issues should be the same men you have “issues” against dating. Pure and simple.
Now you know! And like I said, I’ve been a violator of some of these rules in the past. But as long as you know the signs you can prevent yourself from falling into a shady man trap. Life isn’t going to be a Nicholas Sparks novel, BUT it doesn’t have to lack in the fun and/or romance department because some dude is sucking all the awesomeness out of your life. When in doubt, remember there’s probably some hot Italian guy just waiting for you to drop Mr. Wrong so he can take you out (even if there’s not, it’s still great self assurance). Remember you are super fierce, and if a dude falls into ANY of these categories, throw a flag on that play, turn the tables and decide that YOU, my dear, are just not that into HIM :)
(Oh yeah, and if you enjoyed this blog, check out my newest “Advice to the Ladies” blog HERE: http://radionowindy.com/1264784/rachels-advice-for-the-ladies-part-2-breakups/)